There are a few definitions of the word expectation out there. The feeling of expecting something to happen, the act or state of expecting: anticipation, the strong belief that something will happen. I think expectations are ideals that we hold for ourselves and for others that a lot of the time can lead to disappointment. We expected to have 5 things done from our to do list and we only got one done. How do we feel? Disappointed in ourselves. We expect our boss to give us that raise or promotion because we feel we’ve earned it, but it doesn’t happen. How do we feel? Disappointed. We expect our spouse to act a certain way or do a certain thing, but they don’t. How do we feel? Disappointed.
There are two main issues I see with expectations.
- Having expectations of ourselves can lead to disappointment, lack of confidence and worthiness, and it can lower our self image.
- Having expectations of others always leads to disappointment. We can’t control what others will or won’t do.
When it comes to having expectations for ourselves we need to be able to give ourselves grace. There are different seasons in life, circumstances can change any minute, and we need to be able to give ourselves the grace to pivot. This is not to say that we should use seasons or circumstances as an excuse to not move our lives forward in a positive way. Instead, we should develop our character and know that we are always doing our absolute best in whatever we are doing. Then, when busy seasons or difficult circumstances happen, we don’t have these unattainable high expectations of ourselves that are just not going to be met no matter how hard we try. We can confidently say that we are doing our best in the season we are in.
Having expectations of others can work the same way. When we have high expectations of others, we often don’t have grace when they don’t meet up to our standards. Expectations of others also often leads to a lack of communication. We just expect that our kids or our spouse or whoever we are working with has an understanding of our expectations because to us they seem like “common sense”. And as we all know, lack of communication is always a bad thing. When we eliminate the expectations we have for others we are more likely to communicate, more likely to extend grace when things don’t go as we think they should, and we are less likely to be disappointed. This is not to “let others off the hook”, but it is meant to create a healthy dynamic of communication and grace in the relationship.
Having standards for yourself and for others is a good thing, but those standards should be based on character, not on expectations of others! Always strive to be your best, but never forget the importance of grace!
Alexandra Perez – Chief Leadership Advocate – The Leader Co. Inc.